Phantom of the Opera Parody
by GirlInTheMirror121
Summary: POTO Parody! Enjoy, R&R, nice flames allowed. Musical world.
1. Act 1

**A/N: POTO Parody! Yay! Inspired by the WICKED Parody and RENT Parody, by LostOzian and s-slytherin, respectively. R&R. Nice flames welcome. Musical world.**

Phantom of the Opera Parody

Act 1

Auctioneer: Who wants to buy lots of worthless things for absurd amounts of money?

People: We do! We do!

Auctioneer: Look! A music box with a monkey on top! Who wants it?

Old Raoul: OMG Christine! I want it! _Starts to remember haunting past_

Auctioneer: It's a chandelier in pieces. We've fixed it up. Men, raise it, turn the gears, monkeys!

Audience: OK, why are you quoting WICKED? I thought this was Phantom!

Auctioneer: Heh, sorry about that. Start the overture!

_Transport back to 1881_

Chorus singers: Hannibal is our ruler! Sing sing sing! Oh, look, men are coming. We must have new managers.

André and Firmin: Wow, they're good singers. Let's check out the ballerinas…

Madame Giry: No hitting on the dancers!

André and Firmin: Damn. Who's that pretty blonde anyway?

Giry: My daughter, Meg. And you may not have her.

André: Aww man!

Firmin: Wait…the brunette there…any relation to the Swedish violinist Daaé?

Giry: Yes, she is his orphaned daughter, Christine. Watch, Carlotta, the leading lady, is about to sing.

Carlotta: Let me impress you with my operatic voice!

Phantom: Haha I want Christine to perform…what does this switch do?

_Big set falls on Carlotta_

Phantom: Oopsie…well, that was amusing.

Ballet girls: Opera ghost! Oh noes!

Carlotta: Bring me my poochie, and I'm out of here! 

Piangi: I'm comin' with you…

Giry: a letter…Oh, yeah, by the way dudes, the Opera Ghost wants 5 grand a week for a salary. And leave Box 5 open, or he'll get mad and kill you.

André and Firmin: Yeah, right. Like, there is no Opera Ghost. Now, what are we gonna do about not having a leading lady?

Meg Giry: Christine Daaé could sing it…she's friggin' AMAZING!

Firmin: Yeah right. Well, sing the aria anyway.

Christine: Here goes…_starts to sing really pretty Think of Me song_

André and Firmin: Damn! She can sing! You're hired!

_Dramatic scene change_

Phantom: Now I'm happy…let's pay a surprise visit to Christine tonight.

Raoul: She's lovely…wait a darn minute…CHRISTINE?! OMG! My childhood sweetie! Let me take her out to dinner tonight…I hope she remembers me…

Audience: Aww! They'll be so cute together! I hope this doesn't end up like West Side Story or Romeo and Juliet…

Christine: I will wow you with my voice! It's better than Carlotta's…

Opera Audience: Bravo! Bravo!

Giry: You ballet girls were terrible! Christine, you were fabulous. _Hands her red rose with black ribbon_ O.G. is pleased…

Meg: Who taught you how to sing, girlfriend?

Christine: An ANNNNGELLLL OF MUUUUSIIIIICCCCCCCCC!!!

Meg: But who is this angel?

Christine: Dunno. Oh, well.

Raoul: Knock knock…it's your childhood sweetheart…

Christine: Raoul? Huggles! I remember you!

Raoul: Honey, let's get out of here. Meet you in 10?

Christine: My trainer won't like that…

Raoul: Whatever. Come on!

Phantom: Oh no, you didn't! Let me insult your boyfriend…

Christine: Angel? Is that you? What the heck is going on with my mirror?

Phantom: Come with me…let me lead you into my cavern under the stage…

Christine: Okie dokie! _Phantom of the Opera notes sound_

Christine: Craaaaap!

Raoul: Christine? What the heck?

Christine: Let me again wow you with my voice!

Phantom: Sing to me….sing! SING!

Christine: _hits incredibly hard high note_

Audience: DAMN! THAT'S HARD!

Phantom: Lookie here. I brought you here to sing to me. Now sing!

Christine: Glark…uh…_speechless_

Phantom: Let me clarify for you. _Sings Music of the Night_

Christine: _Faints_

Phantom: Let me angst on my organ!

Christine: Huh? What happened last night? God, I have a hangover…

Phantom: Wha…oh, you're awake.

Christine: What's behind his mask? _Rips off mask dramatically_

Phantom: DAMN YOU! I'M DISFIGURED! GIVE ME THE F---ING MASK BACK!

Christine: Whoa, you've got serious anger management issues, dude. Here's the mask.

Phantom: Thank you. Come, let's go back to the surface.

Buquet: He'll take his magical shoelace…erm, _lasso_, and strangle you!

Ballet Girls: Oh noes!

Giry: Shut it, Buquet.

Raoul, Carlotta, Firmin, André, Piangi, Giry, Meg: Look! We've got notes from the Opera Ghost!

André and Firmin: He wants money!

Carlotta: He threatened me and called me terrible! _Starts to throw hissy fit_

Piangi: I'm with her…

Giry and Meg: Careful, the Opera Ghost is mad…

Raoul: Whatever. There is not Opera Ghost.

Carlotta: Submit to my demands!

Piangi: Yeah!

André and Firmin: Fiiiiiine. Here, let's sing a song about Prima Donnas.

Carlotta: Thank you.

Giry: Uh, guys, Christine is back…

Managers: Give her Carlotta's old role.

Giry: Ok, but he'll be mad….

Phantom: This displeases me! Grr…I wanna kill now!

Audience: Uh-oh.

Carlotta: Singsingsing…CROAK?! What the…?

Giry: He's baaaaaack!

Phantom: HAHAHAHA!

Buquet: Why do I have the feeling that I'm being followed…?

Phantom: Let me take my angst out on you by strangling you with my MAGICAL SHOELACE!!

Buquet: You mean lasso?

Phantom: No, I really do mean shoelace! _Strangles random old Buquet for no good reason_

Audience and Cast: CRAP! HE'S DEAD!

André: uhm…sorry. Here's a scene from the ballet…oh yeah, and Christine is now the lead.

Christine: I must flee to the roof! Ya know, that IS the safest place when an insane but brilliant disfigured guy is after you!

Raoul: Honey, there is no Opera Ghost…

Christine: Well, how do you explain the dead guy?

Raoul: Good point…

Christine: Take Me or Leave Me!

Audience and Raoul: Christine, darling, that's RENT. This is Phantom.

Christine: Right. That's from my other job. Sorry about that.

Raoul: It's ok. That's All I Ask of You, anyway…

Me in Audience: OMG….Sam and Jake were totally singing that song last year…that was weird…

Christine: Gotta go back to my show!

Phantom: NOOOOOO!!! CHRISTINE, I LOVE YOU! OK, no more Mr. Nice Phantom! You'll pay. You'll all pay!

Audience: Uh-oh. Can't be good…

Phantom: Hmm…let's cut the chandelier cord…

_Chandelier falls with big crash…at Christine's feet…_

Phantom: HAHAHAHA!!

Audience: Now we wait for Act 2…

gothic-bunny-rabbit: That's right! You wait for me to write more!

**A/N: I know, it kinda sucks. But then again, I kinda like it, too. Can you guys R&R please? Nice flames welcome. If I get enough NICE reviews soon, I'll post Act 2 soon. If not…too bad! Please? You know you want to…**


	2. Act 2

**A/N: Yay! Good reviews came in, so here is the promised Act 2. I hope you like it as much as Act 1. BTW, I was watching POTO over the weekend…I hope it inspired me enough to pull this off!**

**Credit: "magical shoelace" bit came from LostOzian. Most of the other stuff, I made up!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera…forgot to put a disclaimer in Act 1…**

Act 2

_Six months later_

André and Firmin: Whoa! Six months, no phantom! And look…a new chandelier!

Christine: Raoul…don't show off the ring…

Raoul: But we're engaged, honey!

Christine: Shh! It's a secret! Let's dance!

Raoul: Dancing through life, down at the Ozdust Ballroom!

Audience: What is with the quoting from other musicals?

Raoul: Couldn't help myself…WICKED is playing next door and that's the part they're on right now…

Dancers: Masquerade! Look at our faces! _Phantom theme plays_

Christine: He's baaaack!

Phantom: Ok, so here's the scoop. You two dudes are going to perform my play. Christine is the star. End of story. Oh and Christine? I know about your little engagement. LET ME TAKE YOUR NECKLACE! _Grabs chain with ring on it_

Dancers and managers: Crap!

Raoul: Madame Giry, how did this Phantom come to be?

Giry: Well, you see…he's always been hideously deformed…gypsies locked him in a cage at a traveling circus…a genius, he is. Has lived in the Opera House ever since.

Raoul: No kiddin? Gosh…poor Christine…oh look, I have to go…I need more hair products!

André and Firmin: Well, this sucks. We have to perform his opera. Super-hair-dude, what shall we do?

Raoul: Well, we get the police, dummies!

Firmin: Do you think they have a copy of _How to Catch a Phantom of the Opera for Dummies _at the library?

Raoul: Doubt it. CALL THE POLICE!

Christine: Oh, honey, don't make me do this! Twisted Every Way, what answer can I give?

Raoul: Uh, yes?

Christine: Well…if you say so. I just don't want to end up like Carlotta…

Raoul: You mean a terrible singer who just so happens to be making out with Piangi right now?

Christine: Yeah, that. Well, the making out part, I wouldn't mind so much…

Raoul: Wha…OH! _ Randomly makes out with Christine_

Christine: I can't sleep. Oh well, guess I'll go to my father's grave…

Phantom: That's right, my pretty. Right into my trap…I'll get you my pretty, and your little hair-obsessed boyfriend, too!

Christine: _Sings really sad song about her dad dying_

Phantom: Come to me…come to me…go into the liiiiiight!

Christine: No, not the light! Well, it is my Angel, after all…

Raoul: This dude isn't your daddy!

Phantom: _Angst_

Raoul: _Yells_

Christine: _Breaks it up_

Raoul: GET ON THE HORSE, CHRISTINE!

Christine: But I don't WANNA!

Raoul: GET ON THE DAMN HORSE ALREADY!

Phantom: Let it be war upon you both! _Makes fireballs come out_

Piangi: I am Don Juan!

Audience: Uh…huh…

Piangi: Use your imaginations, people!

Phantom: Now my plan shall take place…first, to get rid of Piangi…

Piangi: WHAT?!

Phantom: MAGICAL SHOELACE TIME!

Piangi: CR-AP!

Phantom: Hah! Now I'm you!

Christine: _Sings my favorite line from Don Juan _No thoughts within her head but thought of joy. No dreams within her heart but dreams of love…

Phantom: Well, see here, I've brought you here for one reason…

Christine: Well, you're obviously not Piangi…so, I'll play the game your way.

Police: Uhm, that isn't the fat guy from before...

Christine: _Unmasks_

Phantom: Damn. Now I guess I'll just have to take you and run!

Police: GET HIM!

Audience: GASP! He's deformed! He's like Elphie from WICKED!

Elphie: _Zooms in from WICKED next door _I HEARD THAT!

Carlotta: Piangi, my love, you have met the magic shoelace!

Random dancers: _Start doing the tango _He had it coming! He had it coming! He had it coming all along! If you had…

Audience: NO MORE CROSSOVER SONGS! EVEN FROM CHICAGO! 

Raoul: Where is Christine being taken?

Giry: To the lake! Come with me! And remember, keep your hand at the level of your eyes!

Opera patrons: WE'RE GOING TO BECOME AN ANGRY MOB!

Phantom: Ha! You will marry me now!

Christine: I think it's your soul that's ugly, not your face. Dude, ever heard of cover-up?

Raoul: I'm here to save the day!

Phantom: _Ties him in ropes_

Phantom: Ok, here's the deal. She says she loves me, and you're free, and she lives with me forever. She refuses, you die. Any questions?

Raoul: Christine, don't do it! 

Christine: _Kisses Phantom_

Phantom: WHOA! Ok…you can go…take the boat and don't tell anyone!

Christine: YAY! Let me go with Raoul so we can make out and have sex!

Raoul: YAY!

Christine: Wait ONNNE second honey…._gives ring back to Phantom_

Phantom: Well, guess there's only one thing to do now…IT'S OVER NOW, THE MUSIIIIIC OF THE NIIIIIIIIGHT!

Angry mob: He's gone?!

Meg: What's under this cloak? _Removes cloak from chair _

Meg: His mask…_holds out to audience_

Audience: He died? WAHH!!

Curtain call: He didn't die, idiots. He just vanished!

Audience: Ohh!

Cast: Well, you know the drill: you loved our show so much that you're going to buy souvenirs now!

Audience: YAY!

Cast: Don't forget to leave some money to pay for parking, and have a safe trip home! The exit doors are in front of and behind you. Thanks for traveling…

Audience: SHUT UP ALREADY!

**So, that's pretty much it! I hope you like it as much as I loved writing it. I honestly couldn't stop with this act! Now, please, please, PLEASE review me! I read every review and PM you send me, so go ahead and send!**


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